Smiling, Functioning, Struggling: The Truth About Being ‘Normal’

Karen Horney, a psychoanalyst, once said, “the perfect normal person is rare in our civilisation.”

Am I not normal if I’m battling an invisible issue? Am I only normal if I go about my day without talking about how I am struggling? Am I normal if I manage to crack a smile on the exterior even though I may be breaking inside? What is normal and who gets to decide it? 

Comfort in food

When people say “just be normal”, what they usually mean is don’t do anything that showcases your struggles. Go to work, keep your relationships, be productive, don’t make a fuss, and definitely don’t show that you’re struggling. It’s this neat box with a ribbon on it that the society execs everyone to fit into – steady job, balanced emotions and a social life that’s good for Instagram. 

But here’s the thing for someone dealing with depression, anxiety or any other mental health concern, “normal” doesn’t look like that at all. “Normal” could be not having a breakdown today, it might be taking meds, going to therapy, having a meal or just dragging oneself out of the bed and taking a shower. And that’s not failure – it’s a different version of normal compared to society's picture-perfect one. 

My normal is showing up

The tricky part with mental health concerns is that they are invisible, most of the time. On the other hand, if you break a leg, people can see the cast. If you have a fever, people get why you’re in bed. But when it’s your mind that’s hurting, the world often expects you to function as if nothing is wrong. 

That’s why so many people put on a fake smile on their faces and constantly repeat that they’re fine even though each step carries a heaviness that most people can’t begin to comprehend. To others, you look completely okay – sometimes even “normal.” But inside there’s a war going on between your mind and body, that even you can’t comprehend. 

And the hardest part? People rarely notice the effort it takes to just show up. They only see the mask, not the battle behind it. 

Here’s the uncomfortable truth that I’ve learned in my journey with mental health, “Most people don’t get it or don’t know how to deal with it.” If you look “normal” on the outside, people assume that you are fine. And if you somehow do show your struggles then you’re suddenly “too much,” “unstable,” or “seeking attention.” There’s a pressure to keep it all together, because the world expects you to be productive, cheerful and drama-free. Someone with a broken arm gets sympathy while someone with depression gets advice like “just think positive” or “snap out of it.” It may not come from a place of malice – it’s just that the idea of mental health doesn’t neatly fit into the society’s definition of normal. 

Smiling my way through problems

When you’re dealing with mental health struggles, life often feels like walking on a tightrope between two worlds. On one side, there’s the version of you that the society wants to see – the put-together, reliable and “everything’s fine” version. On the other side, there’s the reality – the panic attacks, the days when getting out of bed feels impossible, the constant effort to keep your thoughts from spiraling. 

Balancing these two worlds can be exhausting. At work, you smile through meetings even when your brain feels foggy. With friends and family, you laugh along while silently fighting the urge to retreat. In relationships, you worry about being a burden if you let someone see how heavy it really gets. 

It’s a strange kind of double life – performing “normal” for the world while privately fighting battles most people will never see. And sometimes, the weight of pretending can feel just as hard as the mental health struggle itself. 

Here’s what I’ve learned in the past decade: maybe “normal” isn’t about fitting into society’s box at all. Maybe it’s about finding what works for you and only you. 

Still I rise

For someone living with mental health challenges, my normal is taking meds, going to therapy, struggling to get out of bed, interacting with family members, managing to finish a book or just ending the day with meds again and sleeping. It might mean saying no to social plans because rest is what I need, or finding joy in tiny victories that others may take for granted. 

And that’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay – it’s powerful. Because every small act of survival, every moment that you choose to exist, is a reminder of your strength. Normal doesn’t have to be perfect, productive, or polished. It can simply mean being human, doing your best, and living life in a way that keeps you afloat. 

If there’s one shift society needs to make, it’s this: stop measuring everyone by the same definition of “normal.” Mental health is just as real as physical health, and it deserves the same compassion. Instead of saying “you don’t look sick” or “just try harder,” maybe the question should be, “How can I support you?”

We need to move away from expecting people to “act normal” and start accepting that everyone’s normal looks different. Empathy, patience, and understanding go a long way—and sometimes just listening without judgment can mean the world.

At the end of the day, “being normal” with mental health issues isn’t about pretending nothing’s wrong. It’s about showing up in whatever way you can, even if it looks different from what society expects. Normal isn’t a one-size-fits-all mold—it’s personal, messy, and unique to each of us.

Here's me snapping out of it

So maybe it’s time to stop chasing society’s version of normal and start embracing our own. Because surviving, living, and being yourself—even on the hardest days—is more than normal. It’s extraordinary.