I had a strong head which was more harmful than useful. I believed I was discovering myself never realized that I was instead destroying myself. I got a high every time I did the forbidden. I thought I was happy but was I?
I did everything I was told not to. Got into trouble more often than not. But what has that given me, a life of sorrows and pain?
The pristine white packet was covered in shiny plastic and embossed in red and gold. Classic. That changed me. Uncovering the sweet smell of Tobacco brought on that change.
Sitting here after 14 years, at 31, I wonder if was it worth it.
I reasoned it out over the years saying that it takes away the stress, calms me down, helps me relax, passes time, clears my head…but has it? If it had helped I wouldn’t be writing this and contemplating over a piece of paper trying to again reason with myself more than anybody if I should quit.
I still get a high every single time I open a new pack. My choice of smokes may have changed from a mild to a menthol. Was it because at some level I was aware of the fact that I was harming myself with high tar and switched to something lesser? Did I fall for the branding? Or was I simply cheating myself by again applying some stupid logic?
After 14 years I live out of that box and I know that my life revolves around it. It is the first thing in the morning to wake me up and the last to help me sleep. Ironical as it may be it is true. I even work my day around it scheduling my breaks to ensure no 2 hours go without that sweet smell.
Even when broke I chose not to eat so I could buy that pack. That one pristine white pack that now beckons me with its green letters saying that this is as Classic as it can get.
Life in a box is enough for me because it gives me time to think that everything is going to be all right.
I still have that strong head that has now led me on to the right path and I intend to stay there but with my life in a box.
To be or not to be: that is the question
whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
and by opposing, end them?