Things I’m TIRED of hearing: “You’re about to turn 32!” “Che saal ho gaye shaadi nu” “Sex kardi hai ya nahin?” “Pati naraaz toh nahin? “Andar sab changga?” “Your biological clock is ticking away” “Freeze your eggs if you want to wait!” “Don’t adopt the first one, apna bacha toh apna hota hai ji!”
Every time someone talks about children with me, I’m like “bache dur se hi ache.” I’d rather be a masi/chachi/bua and whatever relationships that can happen instead of choosing to become a mother. I’ve been pregnant twice and I knew beforehand that motherhood is not for me and never will be. You might call me close-minded and selfish but know that a lot of thought has gone into the making of this decision.
A lot of women will resonate with the fact that the majority of them don’t have the freedom to choose not to be a mother. The choice should be with the husband and wife rather than the relatives who metaphorically and literally push the child out of a woman. More often than not, husbands give in to the demands of parents thus probably leading the road to pre and post-partum depression in the mother-to-be. Not everyone is prepared at the age of 25, 30 or even at times 40. Motherhood is not a service or duty towards society. Motherhood should be about personal happiness first, and then wants and needs.
I was the poster image of a really difficult child and I’m pretty sure my parents are still recuperating from my early teen years; almost 13 years after the fact. Just kidding (not really)! I went from phase to phase and while everyone thought I was a rebel, I did what I could to get from one day to the next. It may sound unbelievable but I was 16 and out of the most difficult phase when I’d made up my mind not to be a mother. After the kind of kid I was, I ain’t passing those genes to nobody. I don’t have the patience and tolerance capacity that my mother and father had/have. I’m sorry but I’m not saintlike. Peace be on all of you who are getting agitated by just reading this.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard, “Who’ll marry you if you don’t want kids?” Well, namaste to all the aunties out there, I finally did meet my soulmate and I couldn’t be happier. Who’s laughing now? Ha!
Instead of wasting their time on forcing me to have a child, maybe the forcers should focus their attention on parents who are unhappy because of forced parenthood or on couples who want but are unable to have kids. You know, a child may mean the world to some and some just a small part of a big world.
Now that I’ve beaten about the bush for too long, here’s why I’m, for now, or maybe never, having kids:
I’m a mental health patient
I’m not in the headspace to have and maintain a child
I have genes that I don’t want to pass on
I don’t want the possibility of 50/50 chances when it comes to those genes
I enjoy the freedom I have with my husband
I like being pampered by my husband
I like acting like a child at times, well most of the time
I’m happy with my cigarettes and don’t want anyone to come in between
I like the occasional beer(s)
I like to be independent and not be tied down with responsibilities
I may not love the life I’m living because of my health but I’m content with the people around me
I’m Me and I’m Happy!
Notice the line of I’s here? It only goes on to show that I am not ready to give up my life and identity just so that society can be happy. I am who I am and if you have a problem, the door out of my life is always open.